My story of dating a resident and why it might be hard

When I first met my future husband, I had no idea he is going to be a surgery resident. Honestly, we didn’t talk about work at all, as we had plenty of other topics to choose from. But when I finally found out what is expecting me, it was too late – I was totally in love.

I’ll tell you everything clearly and honestly – if you didn’t know what is it like to date a resident, here is a big hint, it’s going to be hard. At the same time, there is nothing impossible and I’ve learned how to build your relationship and make them stronger even if you are dating a resident. In case if you are dating a resident as well and looking for some tips to make your dating experience easier, here are some things worth knowing.

Any spot is a dating spot

As you won’t have much time going on long and romantic dates, you should any place where you go together as a dating spot. Remember a ‘How I Met Your Mother’ episode when Ted was dating a doctor and invited her on the quickest date ever? Well, dating a resident kind of feels like it. It’s great if you have a creativity to turn your short meetings into something super romantic, but believe me, a quick lunch together would be very nice as well.

Be prepared to make excuses for his absence

Most of my friends are married (and those who are not, are still dating someone) and apparently all of them want to hang out altogether with their other halves. I’ll be honest, it was hard enough for me to explain why I don’t have my boyfriend around every time I met them. Be prepared that people won’t understand your partner’s commitment with their work, so you’ll need to explain your friends again and again why he didn’t come again and that you actually have a boyfriend (no, not an imaginary one).

Always have a plan B prepared

It might sound disappointing but most of the times you’ll come second. Planning a date in advance might be a risky business as at any moment you might end up sitting alone at the restaurant with two huge meals ordered (been there once), or heading to the movies for a horror film all alone just because he got a phone call and has to get back to the hospital. So in case you don’t want to experience these things in your dating life (and believe me, you don’t), always have a plan B prepared, so you can move your date or at least change the location.

You’ll have a lot of free time (more than you actually need)

Medicine requires a lot of time, not just weekdays but weekends as well. But even if you are okay with him spending most of his time at work, you should be ready that he will still need some time alone. Yes, even though there are only a few minutes of precious free time left (yeah, sometimes it’s not even hours) between working and sleeping, he will still need some time to rest all along, without any people around him. And sometimes he would also want to meet his friends or the family, so be prepared that you won’t always get most of his spare time and you really need to find yourself a hobby.

The payoff is incredible

With all these struggles you have while dating a resident, you’ll still get more than you’ve ever expected from this relationship. The first thing is endless love. My, and some of my friend’s, experience shows that your love only grows stronger if you give your partner love, trust and support they need. If a medical resident wants to spend his/her free time with you, instead of sleeping or simply resting, it means a lot.
Another thing is pride. When he is telling me the stories from his work, or how he helped even the most hopeless patients, I can feel nothing else but pride for him. And watching someone you love doing something they love… What can be better?

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